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Mindful
So, I'm a Cal Poly Pomona student again and the reality of it is starting to set in. Housing, transfer credits, registration, and other things fill my brain while I need to be wrrying about finishing my classes at ElCo. Other things on my plate for the next few months include: Driver's Lisence, Anime Expo, finishing my diet, and as of recently training for a half-marathon.
You read right. I've decided to participate in the Disneyland Half-Marathon on August 31st. The course is13.1 miles long and the more I think about it, the more afraid of the huge amount of work ahead of me. I've got a plan set up for training and couple of friends have already agreed to go to the marathon with me to offer their support. I appreciate it so much and you guys know who you are. Thank you. Of course, anyone else who can make it to the Disneyland area at 5:30 in the morning is welcome and appreciated.
On a more psychological note...
I've always had an in inner conflict about mistakes and flaws. I enjoy them in other people, these flaws make them who they are and give them their uniqness. No one is perfect and I'm fine with that, I even enjoy it. But, for some reason, when I make a mistake it's more vile and disgusting than it really should be. Please don't think that this is out of some need to be better than everyone else. It's not about that. It's as if I don't have the luxury of making mistakes or having flaws. Of course, I'm not talking about small stuff like mis-pronouncing a word or tripping in public. I can usually laugh that off. But if I accidentally hurt someone's feelings or damage someone's things, I hold myself to a different standard than other people. It's forgiveable if they make a mistake, it even makes them more loveable. When I do it though, it makes me a worse person.
It's also become obvious to me that, beside chivalrous actions, I resist anybody's attempt to be nice to me. I'm not sure why. My main theory is that if they give me kindness, they expect kindness in return. And, when anyone expects or wants things from me, I tend to lash out or panic. It makes no sense. Most people are happy when they are treated kindly. Me? I always wonder what they're after. I never have any reason to believe that they're "out to get me," it's inexplicable. I am trying to work on it though. When someone offers me help with something I'll say, "No, thank you," instead of, "What makes you think I need help?" Or when someone says, "You look nice today," I'll say "Thank you," instead of giving a reluctant "Okay..."
anxiousYou read right. I've decided to participate in the Disneyland Half-Marathon on August 31st. The course is13.1 miles long and the more I think about it, the more afraid of the huge amount of work ahead of me. I've got a plan set up for training and couple of friends have already agreed to go to the marathon with me to offer their support. I appreciate it so much and you guys know who you are. Thank you. Of course, anyone else who can make it to the Disneyland area at 5:30 in the morning is welcome and appreciated.
On a more psychological note...
I've always had an in inner conflict about mistakes and flaws. I enjoy them in other people, these flaws make them who they are and give them their uniqness. No one is perfect and I'm fine with that, I even enjoy it. But, for some reason, when I make a mistake it's more vile and disgusting than it really should be. Please don't think that this is out of some need to be better than everyone else. It's not about that. It's as if I don't have the luxury of making mistakes or having flaws. Of course, I'm not talking about small stuff like mis-pronouncing a word or tripping in public. I can usually laugh that off. But if I accidentally hurt someone's feelings or damage someone's things, I hold myself to a different standard than other people. It's forgiveable if they make a mistake, it even makes them more loveable. When I do it though, it makes me a worse person.
It's also become obvious to me that, beside chivalrous actions, I resist anybody's attempt to be nice to me. I'm not sure why. My main theory is that if they give me kindness, they expect kindness in return. And, when anyone expects or wants things from me, I tend to lash out or panic. It makes no sense. Most people are happy when they are treated kindly. Me? I always wonder what they're after. I never have any reason to believe that they're "out to get me," it's inexplicable. I am trying to work on it though. When someone offers me help with something I'll say, "No, thank you," instead of, "What makes you think I need help?" Or when someone says, "You look nice today," I'll say "Thank you," instead of giving a reluctant "Okay..."
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